Lynne's Five Laws of Desired Difficulties

 

My life hasn't been perfect.  Has yours?  I've experienced everything from the loss of a job to the loss of a parent and husband.  I've had interpersonal conflicts and personal failures.  I grew up in what used to be called a "broken home"  and I've been so shy that I was afraid to try anything new. What have your struggles been?

Gratitude for Difficulties

In this season of Thanksgiving, are you ever grateful for the difficulties in your life?  Everywhere we look there are reminders to count your blessings. We start gratitude journals and publish what we are grateful for on Facebook. There are whole websites and programs devoted to recognizing our successes and being grateful for them.  Do you ever list your failures and losses?  Do you ever express gratefulness for the scarcity? 

In a recent podcast, Dan Miller of 48 Days to the Work You Love, talked about his childhood.  He grew up in a Mennonite family where money was considered evil and poverty a way of life.  There was no running water in his house until he was in the 8th grade.  He worked hard on the family farm and was not allowed to watch tv, listen to music or enjoy social or sporting events.  He didn't have any support for attending college as education past  high school was considered dangerous and unnecessary. Despite all this adversity, Dan is grateful for this lifestyle.  Out of it came an independent spirit and love of reading and books.  He learned to earn his own money, to foster an entrepreneurial spirit and create his own opportunity.  He believes that he is the successful entrepreneur that he is today because of the adversity that he faced in his childhood.  Do you have a similar story?

When I was younger, my goal was to live a carefree-adversity-free-life. I hoped to avoid conflict and failure at all costs. I tried to fly under the radar and stay out of sight.  I truly thought this was the way to be successful and move forward in accomplishing goals. I've come to realize that not only is this impossible but it also creates a colorless, ordinary risk-free life.  Is that your goal?  Or would you prefer an extraordinary life of color and adventure? 

Lynne's Five Laws of Desired Difficulties

After a lifetime of trying to avoid risk and failure, I've finally learned that there is much to be grateful for in difficulty and adversity.  Here are five things I've learned:

1. In every adversity, there is an opportunity.  It's not always easy to see.  It takes a certain perspective, even sometimes the advantage of hindsight to find it.
2. The only people who experience a life free of failure are the people who never take a risk or try any thing new.  If you take a risk sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but you always learn.
3. You can turn any difficulty into a learning experience if you will focus on being a learner instead of a loser.  Rather than emphasizing that you failed look for what you have gained.  I never said it would be easy...
4. Difficulties make you more empathetic to others, especially those who have experienced similar ones.  It can help you forge close relationships.  It also gives you an additional way to serve others by sharing what you learned.
5. Depending on how you handle them, desired difficulties can be the foundation of your greatest successes. 

Avoiding Failure and Risk Means Living an Ordinary Life

Some of these have been hard lessons to learn.  It is still easy for me to sit back and let life ramble on without direction or purpose while I wait for things to happen.  It is hard to step out on faith and try new things that may not work.  It is hard to look for opportunities in the midst of tragedy or loss but I do believe it is the best way to live.  Rather than trying to avoid failure, I now take planned and intentional risks to live a life that is truly full of color and excitement.

What about you?  How have failures or losses in your life been opportunities?  Are you grateful for the desired difficulties as well as the blessings in your life?

Sign up for the Called Woman email list and receive the Called Woman Manifesto:
http://acalledwoman.com/

Want to take an ordinary life and make it an Extraordinary Life?  Register for the Called Woman Reinvention Convention on March 15,2014 in Marietta Georgia:
http://acalledwoman.com/sign-up/

Like this post?  Share with your friends on Facebook and Twitter!

Attend a Conference--Nurture Your Talents!!

Last May as soon as school was out, I took off for Tennessee to attend Dan Miller's Coaching With Excellence Conference.  You can see me with this rowdy, encouraging wonderful group above.  It was a great conference which you can read about here.

As I was driving back from the conference I saw this sign:

I just had to stop. I met Linda, who has a delightful story and great homegrown produce.  While I shopped, I listened to her story.  For a number of years she worked for a hotel chain, which was a good job but not her passion.  Gardening is her passion. During that time, her daughter was in a terrible accident and spent some time in a coma. Luckily she recovered and is currently doing very well. However, that incident created a crisis of focus in her own life. Linda decided it was "her time" and she quit her job to do what she loves. She has been gardening and selling the produce for a couple of years and has never looked back. In fact when I pulled up to check out her vegetable stand she was working with the 30+ tomatoes that she planted.  You can check out her Willow Creek Gardens facebook page here:  https://www.facebook.com/WillowCreekGardens

One of the gardening tips she shared with me was how she used coffee grounds and egg shells to fertilize her tomato plants. She said she collected the grounds and shells, crushed them in her blender and then spread it around her plants. It was a great tip and I’ve started doing that myself around my tomatoes. 

I got to thinking about her story and how she had reinvented her lifestyle. She left a safe comfortable job to do what she really loved doing. Much like she fertilized her tomatoes, she had decided to nurture her spirit with work that mattered. Not only did I get some delicious strawberries, strawberry preserves and honey, I got an important life lesson as well. We all need to take time to ask ourselves, "Am I nurturing my talents?" "Am I working in my strengths?" "Is it my time to shine?"


One of the ways we can nurture our talents is through attending conferences, reading books, networking with others and attending webinars.  Thanks to the internet there are more opportunities than anyone can take advantage of and you don't have to spend a fortune to enrich your life.  I am always planning the next conference, webinar or book that I will read to improve my writing and speaking ability.  The next conference that I will be attending is Kent Julian and Andy Traub's Write It Forward Conference.  You can sign up for Dan Miller's Conferences or Kent Julian's conferences through my affiliate links on this page:  Upcoming Conferences

What about you?  Are you taking time for yourself and following your passion? Are you enriching and nurturing yourself on a regular basis?

Like this blog post?  Share with your friends on facebook and twitter!

Join me for a free webinar on setting and accomplishing goals... even if you hate to set goals!  Read about it and register for it here.

Related articles

• 5 things you should know about your tomato plants

Five Coaching Concepts from Dan Miller's Coaching with Excellence Conference

This week I spent two glorious days with my friend, Kim Wiggins at Dan Miller's Coaching With Excellence Conference in Franklin Tennessee.  It was like returning home after a long absence. I have been a huge fan of Dan's ever since I learned about him through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. Attending his Write to the Bank Conference four years ago jumpstarted my writing journey and inspired me to write four books (one of which he wrote a forward to). Through his social media site, 48days.net I have met life long friends and learned how to do everything from start a blog to market a book. I've even created a group just for women who, like me, want to discover their passion and move forward in making it a reality.  That led to putting on the Called Woman Conference which has become an annual event.  Dan Miller with his encouraging, optimistic but realistic approach to life has been a huge factor in shaping my life journey. I consider him my greatest mentor.

Learning to Be a Coach

The Coaching With Excellence Conference was designed to help the 38 participants learn about the business of setting up a coaching practice.  Everyone had a different focus; there were leadership coaches, career coaches, physical fitness coaches and  happiness coaches just to name a few.  My focus is on coaching woman through transitional points in their lives.

Dan's whole family participates in the conference, even his grandchildren make an appearance.  In the picture above, you can see his daughter, Ashley, teaching us about the DISC personality profile.

In typical Miller style, there were lots of opportunities to network and connect with everyone.  Lunch and dinner were delicious social affairs on the porch, catered by local restaurants.  Conversations could be heard all around as participants from around the country outlined their dreams and goals for making a difference in the world.  It was a caring, compassionate group focused on profit and service, two things that often seem at odds with each other but that Dan blends beautifully into one.

Speaker and coach Kent Julian arrived after lunch on Friday to talk about his journey and to inspire everyone.  Kent has turned a passion for mentoring youth into an extremely successful speaking and coaching business.  He offers a terrific boot camp for aspiring speakers that I have attended twice.

Five Important Concepts I Learned at the Conference

It would be impossible to  summarize the information learned in two days in just a few points.  I'm still processing and digesting it myself.  However, here are a few key concepts:

• Coaching differs from counseling in that coaching is active rather than empathic listening with a focus on where the client wants to  be rather than where they have been.
• The number one thing that people want is not "the answer" but rather someone who actively listens, clarifies and guides them along the journey.  Thanks to Dallas Demmitt from Arizona, fellow coaching participant, for great illustrations of this!
• You don't have to have everything figured out in your own life to help someone else figure out where they are going.  You do have to be actively searching and working a plan however.  
• Identify your area of specialty--don't be a generalist.  The more you can narrow down who your target audience is and where your sweet spot of expertise is the better.
• Connection and building relationships is key to any business but especially the coaching business, this is after all a business about people not data.  Get to know other coaches, get involved in organizations, attend conferences, network, network, network.

Are you a woman who is interested in coaching for a transitional period in your life?  Let's connect!  You can read about my coaching packages here.  Coaching packages

Interested in attending Dan's Conferences?  Sign up through my affiliate links here:  Dan Miller's Conferences

Interested in attending Kent Julian's Speakers' Bootcamp?  Sign up through my affiliate link here:

Speak It Forward Bootcamp

Like this post?  Share it with your friends on facebook and twitter!

Four Ways to Get Your Money's Worth at Conferences

Are you a seminar or conference groupie?  Do you love attending conferences that get you fired up and energized?  I do!  Stephen Covey in his Seven Habits of Highly Successful People identifies a key habit of Sharpen the Saw which is planned and intentional learning and growing. One of the common characteristics of high achievers is that they keep on learning.  They recognize the value of investing in themselves in order to create the life they want and achieve their goals.   Dan Miller was the first coach I knew that recommended a budget item for self improvement and I've followed this advice for years.

 

High Achievers Plan Intentional Growth

There are lots of ways to Sharpen the Saw.  In the beginning of my entrepreneurial venture, I read a lot of books.  I still read a lot of books.  I also recommend a lot of books to others and if you follow my blog, you know that I post many of those books under resources and on my Shelfari. You can be assured that if you acquire one of the books I recommend that you will learn something new from it.

There are also lots of ways to learn on the internet.  I attend webinars and join online classes.  The advantage of this type of learning is that you can progress at your own speed on your own timeframe.  Many times you can even go back over and over to refresh what you've learned.  Jeff Goin's online writing class,  Tribewriters is a great example of this.    You can drop into the lesson at anytime or listen to the recording at any time.  You can interact with other participants in forums.  You can even post your writing online and have it  critiqued.

What Makes a Good Conference?

One of the best ways to sharpen the saw is to attend conferences and seminars.  While these can be more expensive than books or online classes, the experience can be invaluable.  Here are four qualities I look for in the conferences that I attend:

• Inspirational and Motivational-- A great conference gets me fired up and enthusiastic  It fuels the fires that may be burning low.  It inspires and empowers me to keep moving forward.
• Practical application--I look for conferences that have a track record of over delivering information and resources on a consistent basis.  This doesn't necessarily mean that the conference is packed with well known speakers.  It does mean that the speakers often already provide valuable content through blogs, books and other mediums.  I always research speakers before I attend a conference.
• Opportunities to network- Sometimes at a conference, you can learn as much from other participants as you can from the actual sessions that you attend.  The Called Woman Conference 2013:  Let's Do Launch!  was created by myself and two other women that I met at Kent Julian's Speakers Bootcamp over three years ago.  We connected, brainstormed and created the kind of conference that we would want to attend ourselves.  Spending time networking at conferences can be a gold mine of opportunities.
• Good value--Conferences can be expensive but the cost does not determine the value.  I've attended conferences where I felt I got my money's worth and conferences where I felt I was  wasting my time.  What makes the difference?  First, the speakers must be clearly invested in bettering the lives of the participants.  This is often obvious through attention to details and follow-up after the conference.  Secondly, I must invest myself in the conference.  Making sure that I attend with an open mind and a willingness to actively learn is essential.

My List for 2013

I've been scheduling the conferences that I want to attend in 2013.  I've been consulting with friends and making plans. Want to see the list?  

Tory Johnson's Spark and Hustle 

The Red Clay Writer's Conference

The Christian Author's Guild Catch the Wave Writing Conference 2013

What about you?  Do you have your eye on some learning experiences for 2013?  Are you making opportunities to learn from other high achievers?  What conferences would you recommend to others as good value?  I'd love to hear from you!

Like this post?  Share with your friends on facebook and twitter!!

Seven Steps to SMARTER Goal Setting

Cover via Amazon

The front of my favorite Mother's Day card reads like this: "Mom, remember when you told me you wanted me to grow up and be somebody?"  The inside of the card reads, "Maybe you should have been more specific."  There is a lot more to this idea than a  funny punch line. Brian Tracy in a recent interview with Darren Hardy of Success Magazine, says that he often asks audiences to write down their top three goals in three minutes. He then guesses that they have written a goal about their health, their finances and their relationships.  He is always right because these are the top areas of  our lives and we should be making regular deposits in each one to live a balanced life.

Many of us have heard of SMART goals.  In this post, I'd like to take it one step further and help the reader create SMARTER goals.  Here are the seven steps to creating a goal that works:

• Create a goal that is specific.  Every one has a wish list of how they would like their life to change. In order to write a SMARTER goal  make sure that the goal is not just a wish but a specific detailed statement of where you want to be.  Here's an example of a goal that is not specific:  Make more money.  Here's an example of a goal that is specific:  Increase my income per month by $1000.  See the difference?
•  Create a goal that is measurable.  Even when it is difficult to quantify it is important to make the goal measurable so that you will know if you are making progress.  Here's an example of a goal that is not measurable:  Spend quality time with my family.  Here's an example of a goal that is measurable:  Plan and enjoy one family activity a week.
• Create a goal that is attainable.  If a goal is too small then we aren't stretching ourselves but if a goal is too big then we can undermine our motivation and give up early in defeat.  Here's a goal that is probably not attainable:  Lose 12 pounds a week.  Here's an attainable goal:  Lose 2-4 pounds a week.  When we set goals that are attainable we are energized by the gains that we make regularly rather than discouraged by our lack of progress.
• Create a goal that is relevant.  We are motivated by what we want in our lives.  Goals that are created because we "should" achieve them or because someone else wants us to achieve them won't work.
• Create a goal that has a time frame.  A deadline gives a goal urgency and momentum.  The difference between I want to lose weight and I want to lose ten pounds in the next month is the difference between someday and soon.  
• Create a goal that is energized by writing it down.  In the book, Write It Down, Make It Happen, Henriette Anne Klauser tells story after story of the importance of writing a goal down in order to create success.  Writing a goal down helps us cement it in our brain and creates focus. 
• Create a goal and review it regularly.  Finally, don't just write a goal down and forget it!  Review the goal daily perhaps several times a day to make it such a part of your life that you are always aware of the possibilities around you that will make the goal successful.

When I wrote the Wyatt the Wonder Dog stories, I had a vague goal of publishing them somehow, someway, someday.  I am embarrassed to say that I waited around for ten years for the right person to walk into my life and announce, "Any one here want to publish a children's book?"  It never happened.  Finally, one day I decided to do something instead of waiting.  I set a goal of publishing the first book in one year.  I began researching and asking knowledgable people about how to self-publish a book.  One person I contacted via his podcast was Dan Miller of 48 Days to the Work You Love.  He answered my questions on his podcast and gave me the encouragement I needed.  Step by step I moved forward and at the end of a year?  I had my first book in hand.  

If I can do it so can you!  Now it's your turn.  What are your goals for the year?  Are they vague wishes or are they SMARTER goals?

Want to learn more about goal setting and how to Be Do Have, even with a busy life?  Join me for a free teleseminar on February 19th with Jen McDonough!  Details are here:  Teleseminar

Want to spend an entire day learning more about following your passion and making your goals happen? Attend the Called Woman Conference  in March and listen to an impressive line-up of speakers who can teach you how to take your dream to reality. Early Bird Registration ends February 1st!  

Like this blog post?  Share it with your friends on Facebook and Twitter!

Related articles

• How to set smarter goals
• Six steps to smarter goal-setting
• What Are Your Writing Goals for 2013?
• Goal setting the right way

Is Your Passion Greater than Your Fear?

I'm a big fan of Dan Miller of 48 Days to the Work You Love fame. This probably doesn't surprise you.  If you've ever talked to me for any length of time about my passion for writing and speaking, his name and his wisdom have come up more than once.  I recently promoted the launch of his newest book:  When Wisdom Meets Passion on this blog.  He was kind enough to write the forward to my book, The Call;  Perfect Dream, Imperfect Life.  I am a regular listener of his weekly podcast.  In a recent podcast on following your passion, he referred to his son, Jarred who co-authored his latest book with him.  Jarred is a free-spirit and an entrepreneur who followed his passion to Africa when he lives and works out his commitment to the people of Africa through helping them develop sustainable and profitable income.  Just prior to leaving for Africa to follow his dream and his passion for the first time, Jarred wrote a letter to his parents, expressing his excitement and his fears about the adventure.  Dan quoted Jarred as writing that though he had fears about the outcome, he was certain that his passion exceeded his fears of inadequacy.   Does that statement make you think?  It does me.  Is your passion greater than your fear?

I grew up a very shy little girl.  Talking to people was not something I did easily.  I can remember birthday parties where other kids played games and I watched from afar, summer camps that I turned down the opportunity to attend because I didn't know anyone and many other social activities that I avoided.  The thought of making a presentation to a group struck fear into my heart. One of my first jobs just out of college was as an addiction counselor in an alcohol treatment center. Part of the job involved  teaching regular classes. I can still remember the anxiety I would feel weeks ahead whenever my name would appear on the schedule. I would agonize over the material.  I would worry over the reaction of the attendees.  My hands would shake and my voice would quiver throughout the class.

Fast forward to 2013.  I not only work in an elementary school as a guidance counselor, I deliver hundreds of classes to children and adults every year.  What happened to my fear, terror really, of speaking in public?  My passion is greater than my fear.  I am passionate about engaging children in becoming problem solvers, becoming successful at setting and reaching goals and interacting better through understanding personality styles.

I also present to adults on many of the same topics including finding and living your passion.  I love to engage adults in discovering their gifts and developing their passion.  Do I ever feel the fear?  Of course.  Fear, self-doubt and lack of self confidence still plague me.  Daily. But I keep moving forward.  Why?  Because my passion is greater than my fear.

Helen Keller said, "Feel the fear.  Do it anyway."  Do you have a passion that you wish to follow, to nurture?  Is fear keeping you from venturing forth?  What can you do to increase your passion and overtake your fears?

Want to discover more about following your passion?  Consider attending the Called Woman Conference 2013:  Let's Do Launch!  Becoming the Woman You Were Called to Be!

Want to share your story with other women?  Consider being a speaker at the Called Woman Conference.  We are taking proposals now.  Visit our link:  Call for Proposals

Like this post?  Share me with your friends on facebook and twitter!

Related articles

• Don't Let Fear Control You
• Stop Procrastinating Your Passion

Wonder What It Takes To Be A Millionaire?

Cast Iron Cornbread (Photo credit: fritish)

This can't just be a coincidence.  One of the speakers at the Called Woman Conference that I'll be speaking at next Saturday is Beverly Davis who calls herself the Cornbread Millionaire.  She started her enterprise while she was living in a homeless shelter and has managed to prepare and promote her grandmother's special secret cornbread recipe on CNN news, Fox TV and Clark Howard to name a few.  She just mailed us her ebook to share with the participants at the conference and it's a pretty incredible story.   If you are someone who has said you would follow your dream if only you had the resources and time, then you need to hear the story of this woman who had literally NO resources and still managed to start her own business and follow her dream.

Then I got the weekly newsletter that I receive from Dan Miller, author of 48 Days To The Work You Love and guess what the topic is for this week?  "Do You Want To Be A Millionaire?"  No, I'm not kidding.  There are some fascinating statistics in the newsletter which you may want to read yourself, Dan's Newsletter   The one that most caught my eye was this:  74% of millionaires in the United States are self-employed and these are not necessarily people who have come up with the most creative, innovative idea ever.  The most common millionaire producing businesses are dry cleaning, printing and vending.  Guess what percentage of millionaires are in show business, athletics, authors, inventors or lottery winners?  One percent... Yet, aren't these the professions that receive the most attention, and the ones that most kids aspire to?  Sounds like Beverly Davis is definitely on the right track.

While your mission in life may or may not be to become a millionaire, I imagine we would all like to be financially secure while doing what we love most to do.  As both these examples show, the best way to accomplish that is to discover your talents, your gifts, then focus your energy in that direction.  This is exactly what my latest book, The Call:  Perfect Dream-Imperfect Life is all about.  It's my personal story of how I took my dream to be an author and developed a plan to make it happen.  It's at the printer's this week and should be available by the end of next week!  Here's the final cover...

What is your passion?  What are you doing to follow your dream?