"My Life is an Empty Shell"--Finding Your Purpose

Unless you live in a cave, you probably heard about Atlanta's Snow-pocalypse 2014. Motorists were stranded in cars for hours while others were stranded at the office. Students were stranded on school buses or at schools overnight.  I was talking with someone recently about how they survived the disaster.  The worst part for her was being stranded at home. She lives alone and has no children she told me. "I was bored to tears with being stuck at home for three days," she said.  "My life's an empty shell and I didn't know what to do with myself."  An empty shell? Really? 

Finding Your Calling

I believe that we all have a calling, a mission that we have been uniquely gifted for.  We've been given talents and abilities that complement that mission.  How sad that someone feels so empty that being snowed in for three days,  meant she almost went crazy.  Don't get me wrong.  I can get a little cabin fever myself when stranded at home.  However, the number of projects and interests that I have is so numerous, that I rarely get bored.  Three days for me, meant time to catch up on writing, planning, communicating with others, reading... I could go on and on. 

So often people let life happen rather than making it happen. They meander from day to day, without goals or a clear direction.  When disaster or tragedy strikes, they have few resources for coping with it.  Something as small as being stuck at home with no one but yourself for company becomes a major ordeal. I understand this mindset. My early years were spent wishing, waiting and wondering if I'd be able to accomplish my dreams. I thought that the stars had to align, the universe had to be generous and the right people had to wander into my life. I gave away my power to anyone and everyone.  My life was at the mercy of my circumstances rather than me looking for the opportunity in the circumstances.  I didn't set goals and I certainly didn't create an action plan to make my dreams reality. I had an exhaustive to-do-list and I was very busy but without any clear direction. I said yes to anything and everything without evaluating whether or not it fit in with my purpose.  Living life intentionally has changed my focus and my life.

Living Life Intentionally

How do you live your life so that instead of thinking of it as an empty shell, you experience a life of abundance?  It first takes a change in your mindset.  Rather than looking at life as something that happens to you, you begin to see life as something you create.  Much like a writer writes a story or a film-maker creates a film, your job is to determine the plot, the direction of the story arc of your life.  Of course you can't control everything.  I understand that.  But you can control your reaction.  You can control what you do with the events that occur.  You can begin to look for the possibilities in everything.  Even when there are no impending changes, you can remain open to the possibilities that are all around.  Sometimes you even create change!  A great book that addresses this style of living and our tendency to cling to status quo is Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson, M.D.  There are two approaches to life in this book.  Hem and Haw enjoy the comfort of the status quo without ever anticipating or preparing for change.  Sniff and Scurry enjoy the present abundance but also plan for the future and notice the evidence of the changes that are coming.  They explore the world around themselves.  They discover new experiences that are even better than the past.  They anticipate and find abundance rather than scarcity. What character do you identify with?  Hem and  Haw or Sniff and Scurry?  Are you waiting for good things to appear in your life or are you out looking for them and making them happen? 

Join Called Woman speaker, Colleen Miller, Sunday, February 9th for a free webinar on Toxic Relationships.  Sign up here:  http://acalledwoman.com/teleseminars/

Want to spend a day networking with other women and discovering your calling?  Attend the Called Woman Conference on March 15th in Marietta, Georgia.  Read all about it here:  http://acalledwoman.com/

Do You Know Where You're Going? How to Live an Intentional Life

Cover via Amazo

Does this quote sound like you?  Do you know where you are going?  Do you feel like you are always busy but never get anything done?  I've been there.  Living an intentional goal oriented life is a relatively new experience for me.  Being a super achiever who accomplishes a lot is not.  Did you know there is a difference?  I've always been organized.   I've always had a lot of to-do-lists.  I've always worked hard. Since I was quite productive and was checking things off my to-do-list, I felt confident I was moving forward.  Accomplishments however, in and of themselves are not always the desired end result.  Although I seemed to be making progress, I was drowning in the small details of my list.  It is possible to be highly organized, energetic and productive but all in the wrong direction, much like someone who lives in New York and travels to California by way of Florida.  You can check off a lot landmarks along the way but you may never arrive at your destination.

The Key to Living Intentionally

What makes the difference? Priorities and Focus.  In the past, I created a long never-ending list of stuff to accomplish.  About three years ago, I realized the importance of setting goals first and then tackling the list.  It's not that I get any more done.  It's that the things I get done are the things that move me along the path of accomplishing the goal.  Just having a goal creates focus and helps in setting priorites.  I've also found that in each major area of my life, it helps if  I determine a theme for the year.  My career theme two years ago was developing my speaking ability and creating opportunities to lead seminars and workshops. I spoke at the Georgia School Counselor Conference.  I taught lots of parenting workshops at schools. Along with collegues Kathy Brunner and Kim Wiggins, I started the Called Woman Conference.

This year my theme is writing so I've become more intentional about developing good writing skills.  I participated in the Kennesaw Mountain Writing Project last summer and joined a critique group.  Several of the conferences that I'm planning to attend this year are on developing writing skills.  I'm not only blogging but submitting my work to other publications. 

Write It Down, Make It Happen

I just finished reading a terrific book that has helped me focus on living an intentional life. I first heard about the book Write It Down Make It Happen by Henriette Anne Klauser on a Michael Hyatt blog and podcast. In the book, Klauser identifies several really creative ways to focus on goals. As the title suggests, she maintains that just writing a goal down can create such focus that it is almost magical! Here are a few of the unique suggestions that you may not have thought of:

• Write a letter to someone.  In the book, Klauser identifies a friend whose goal was to find her soul mate.  She began by writing a letter to him everyday.  Sometimes she imagined the things they would do together, the common interests they would have. Sometimes she wrote about her feelings of disappointment and frustration that they had yet to meet.  The end result?  She met and married her soul mate!  It doesn't have to be a love letter of course.  You could write letters to a prodigal child,  the future boss of your ideal job or even God.

• Challenge the fears that keep you from accomplishing your goals. Find a picture in a magazine of an angry, finger-pointing individual. Glue it to your journal page.  Beside the picture list all the negative things that you say to yourself that keep you stuck.  Now find another picture of someone who is joyful, jubilant, thrilled to be alive.  Glue it to your next journal page.  Now counter  each of the prior negative statements with something positive.  Instead of "I'm a loser!"  write "I'm a WINNER!" Writing your fears releases you from the bonds of them.  Writing the opposites creates positive focus in your mind.

• Create a Ritual.  Ritual is a powerful process that often propels us forward past fears and resistance.  It can open us to possibilities.  It can nourish a seed that will grow and flourish. Klauser recounts a Native American ritual where participants identify the things they want to bring in to their lives and things they want to take out. Arrows are created to represent both and the desired change is written on the arrow.  Arrows that represent the things to eliminate are buried or burned.  Arrows that represent the things to be brought into lives are taken to the top of a mountain and left standing in a prominent place.  The ritual doesn't have to be followed to the letter of course.  Different objects could be used instead of arrows (pencils instead of arrows were suggested in the book), and the ritual can be adjusted as fits the individual and the environment.  The important aspect is identifying what to send out of one's life and what to bring in.  

These three suggestions are just a sample of the many that Klauser relates in her book. It isn't just full of activities though.  It also has story after story of people who transformed their lives from ordinary to extraordinary through intentional goal setting living.  I was inspired and know you will be too if you read it!

What about you?  Are you living life on purpose?  Do you need some help?  Sign up for the Called Woman email list and get regular updates on resources to transform your life from unfocused to intentional.  When you sign up, you'll receive the free Called Woman Manifesto to get you started!  

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The Balanced Life

Image via Wikipedia

There is a story of a man clinging to a horse that is galloping at breakneck speed down a country road.  Another man walking along the road calls out to the rider as he whizzes by, "Hey, where are you going?"  To which the rider yells back, "I don't know, ask the horse!"

Do you ever feel like you are that rider and your life is that horse?  If you have not identified your mission and begun setting goals in your life that pertain to your mission, then I bet you do too.  Wouldn't you rather be the man walking down the road, knowing his destination, making progress toward arriving at it and having the time to ask someone else questions?

When we fail to be intentional about where we are going in life, one of the consequences is often a life out of balance.  Generally, this means that we invest too much time and energy in one area and neglect other equally important areas. For instance, we may invest in our work, and neglect  family or friends or our spiritual growth.  We may invest in our family, but never set aside time for our own spiritual and personal growth.   Our lives are never perfectly balanced of course and certainly there are particular seasons of our life that call for some sacrifices in one area or another.  However, if we consistently starve one area or role of our life of our time, our attention, our energy, then we will one day discover that we have  created a situation that may be hard to restore.

One of the best ways to insure that this does not happen is to set goals for each of the major areas of our life and then make regular deposits of time and energy into those areas.  When we neglect to set goals in all the areas of our lives, it is then easy to cheat those areas out of our most important resource; our time.  The end result is often not only a life out of balance but sometimes the loss of relationships that are significant and meaningful to us.  Living a life that is not intentional and goal oriented is often a life out of control, much like riding a runaway horse.  You’ll be moving quickly toward a destination, but you’ll have to ask the horse to figure out where you are going.

What about you?  Is your life out of balance?  Are you living a life that is intentional?  How do you make sure that you don't cheat certain areas of your life?