Three Steps to Being a Writer

Writer Wordart (Photo credit: MarkGregory007)

Last week, I sent an email to a writer friend, encouraging him to join a critique group that I attend.  I explained that it was a group of other educators and that many of them wrote young adult fiction, an interest of his as well.  Guess what his response was? "That sounds like fun, but I'm not sure if I would have anything to offer.  I'm not a real author, and I'm really not a writer;  a real writer would write more than I do."

My response to him? "STOP IT!!!!!!!" You may think this was insensitive of me.  After all my mission statement is to encourage, empower and inspire.  I'm also a counselor in my day job.  Seriously.  However, I learned this particular technique from one of the great therapists of all time;  Bob Newhart.  

Do you talk about yourself the same way that my friend does?  Do you say you're a writer wannabe, or maybe an aspiring writer?  Do you say you're not a real writer.  If you were you'd write more, have something published, sell more books?  Well, STOP IT!!! I'm not even asking you to  pay me five dollars for this advice.  Writers write and if you do that, you qualify.  It's time to stand up and announce boldly and confidently your mission.

Here's three steps to actually BEING the writer you want to be.

Practice What to Say

If necessary spend some time practicing what to say until it comes naturally.  "I write young adult fiction."  or "I write a blog." or "I write fortunes for Chinese fortune cookies."  Be proud.  Be bold.  Be confident.  Be excited!

Fake It Until You Make It

I know that it doesn't feel natural. I know that sometimes it feels fake and phony.  Sometimes though, the hardest person to convince of the truth, is yourself! Remember my writer friend that I invited to the critique group?  He's already co-authored one book and has a whole young adult book completed.  I'm not making that up.  STOP IT!!

Write, Write, Write

Practice doesn't always make perfect, but the more you practice the more perfectly natural it will feel to say that you are a writer.  Because you write.  A lot.  And that's what writers do.

Do you tell people you are a writer?  Or do you tell people you are going to be writer?  Someday? Well, STOP IT!!!  Start today BEING the writer you want to be.

Want to learn more about goal setting and how to Be Do Have, even with a busy life?  Join me for a free teleseminar on February 19th with Jen McDonough!  Details are here:  Teleseminar

Want to spend an entire day learning more about following your passion and making your goals happen? Attend the Called Woman Conference  in March and listen to an impressive line-up of speakers who can teach you how to take your dream to reality. 

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Four Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Finding Your Calling

Does this quote describe you?  If so, then I'm guessing you've yet to discover your calling.

 I seem to spend a lot of time talking with people about what they hope to do career-wise.  I'm not sure if  this is because there are more and more people who are lost in the changing world of careers, jobs and finding their calling or if I'm so interested in this topic that I seek it out on my own.  Probably a bit of both.  In any case I was talking with a family recently that included a twenty-four year old daughter and her mother.  I asked the daughter if she was working and if so where.  It turned out that she was looking for work and was quite discouraged.  She said that she wanted to work in retail sales but everywhere that she applied she couldn't seem to get past putting in an application.  She blamed it on the small community that she lives in--there weren't many opportunities there, but she had hopes that if she continued returning to the same businesses and checking on job availability that eventually she would find something.  Her mother, a retired teacher with twenty-nine years of experience,  had a similar story.  She had recently retired from teaching in frustration over the current state of the educational system. She thought she would go into some type of consulting but she seemed to have lost many of her connections and besides she wasn't sure where to begin.  What should they do?  Here was their plan;  the daughter would try again to apply at the same stores she had already tried.  Maybe they would have an opening later.  The mom was waiting for the daughter to find something before she tried to figure out what to do herself. Do you see anything wrong with this picture?

Most of us have grown up thinking of jobs as a linear process.  In other words, you get a degree in the field you are interested in.  Then, degree in hand you put in lots of applications and you eventually (hopefully sooner rather than later) get a job and you work your way up the career ladder, taking on more and more responsibility, making more and more money until eventually you retire and do all the things that you've really wanted to do in previous years.  I'm simplifying this quite a bit but you get the idea.  Sound familiar?  This is how I thought about work for most all of my life.

Here's what I wish I had known as a twenty something year old (it's actually good advice for the rest of us as well):

• Take time to discover and explore who you are, what your talents and gifts are first.  This is not a passive, contemplative dreamy-find-yourself process.  This is doing active research and participating in any way you can in the areas that you feel are your calling.  If you are interested in retail sales, could you develop something that you could sale on the internet?  Could you volunteer in a store to get experience and develop skills, perhaps a hospital or museum gift store or a thrift store run by a non-profit agency?  Think outside the immediately obvious avenues to develop your interest. What about consulting in the education field?  Again, volunteering in the beginning is often a great way to start.  Can you volunteer a day in a school?  Can you develop a contact list and start having lunch with your contacts to survey the needs?  Can you contact a local community college or be an adjunct professor online?  Don't let a day go by without developing, testing and discovering related skills.  
• In addition to racking up some experience, spend time developing those skills that are needed in your area of interest.  Read books on sales techniques, learn more about the fashion world if this is your preferred area.  Learn about business practices or consulting.  Finding the perfect job involves so much more than showing up and putting in an application.  Practice how to handle an interview, how to dress for success, what the trends and buzz words are in the field. Don't expect to learn what you need to know on the job.  Employers are looking for people who take the initiative to learn, practice and volunteer on their own.  Employers want to know what unique abilities you bring to them not what they will need to teach you once you are hired.
• Once you determine the field you are interested in research all the available businesses that could provide that type of employment.  Learn everything you can about them.  What are their goals, what problem areas are they confronted with and how could you help?  Set up interviews just to learn about the company--not to interview for a job.  Change your perspective.  Consider that you are interviewing them to see if they would be a good fit for you, rather than the other way around. 
• Learn to make connections.  It is true that most people find jobs through someone they know.  Be sure to let everyone know what you are looking for, even people that you think couldn't possibly help.  Identify the top 100 people you know that you can discuss your plan with.  Contact them and keep them informed of your progress.   
• Finally be intentional in all you do.  Set goals and identify steps to reach them.  Do something everyday to work toward achieving your goal.  

What about you?  What do you wish someone had told you about finding your calling?  What are misconceptions that you have had?

Some great books to read on this are:  

Planned Neglect

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This is one of my all time favorite counselor stories. I was teaching a kindergarten class about safety rules and I asked the students for some examples.  I got the usual; wear your seat belt in the car, stay seated on the bus, don't run in the halls etc.  Then I called on one little girl who told me in her most serious voice that “you should never, ever run in the bathtub." 

I think running in the bathtub though is a great description of the way many of us approach goal setting and goal accomplishment. We’re expending a lot of effort; we're slipping and sliding in constant motion but getting nowhere.  Sometimes it helps just to take a deep breath and refocus.

One of the most useful techniques that I have found for accomplishing goals is planned neglect.  It is certainly not a natural approach for me but it is definitely successful when I use it.  It very simply means that I plan to ignore or neglect those tasks that call so loudly to me but that interfere with achieving my goals for the day.  What sort of things are these?  For me, these are simple, compelling things that on the surface seem seductively quick and easy to do.  For example, checking my email, emptying the dishwasher, putting in a load of clothes and a myriad of other things that I think I will quickly complete before I get on with the big important task at hand.  I can occupy myself endlessly with the little tasks, convincing myself that I am accomplishing much because I am checking so many things off my to do list.  At the end of the day however, when I allow myself to be sucked into this vortex of activity, I have accomplished much of little significance.  Often, one small task leads to another and before I know it the time has disappeared and there is something that I really feel I must do that causes me to put the major goal aside for yet another day.  There is an appointment to make or it is mealtime and I must prepare and eat something.  The day has been lost in a wasted effort.

Here’s how I have tackled this problem.  First thing in the morning I spend some quiet time identifying my primary, gotta-do-it goal.  Often, this is a blog to write, a marketing effort to plan and execute or most recently writing a few chapters of my book.  During days when I am not on my regular day job, I schedule the first block of time in the morning to accomplish this task.  I do not allow myself to even look at email, or begin any household chores first.  These are danger areas for me where time can vanish before I even recognize it and I am left with a wasted day.  Once I have finished about 90 minutes of focused time on my goal, I then take a break and allow myself to do something that is very time limited before I get back to work.  This might be making a cup of tea and starting a load of clothes in the washer.  Things like reading email though are out.  I am easily lost in the vast world of the internet if I allow myself to even peek at one!

I repeat this process until I have accomplished the goals I have set for the day.  Once I have done so, I then can delve into things that may seem urgent but that will overpower my primary goal if I focus on them first.  I have found the technique of planned neglect to be one of my most powerful tools in my arsenal of goal setting.  It certainly keeps me from running in the bathtub!

What about you?  How do you accomplish the most important tasks in your life?